How to Move from a Mindset of Failure to a Mindset of Success?

Reading time ~7 mins

Bad things happen. You lost money in a promising business. Or in the stock market. Or suffered a disability due to a car crash. How about a divorce? Or a cancer diagnosis? Or a chronic health disease? Or faced an untimely death of a loved one? Or suffering from loneliness? Depression and anxiety? Or all of the above? I get it. Zindagi ka Doosra Naam Problem Hai.

Misfortune can knock on our door in any form and more often than not, it knocks when you expect it the least. No one is immune from it. It can befall on you. It can befall on me.

It is in such times of misfortune, that you are put to your greatest test. And the test is not whether you fall down or are able to remain standing after the initial blow. It rather is whether you manage to get up once you fall down. Or perhaps, how many times you can get up, if life keeps giving you one blow after the other.

After all, resilience is all about “Getting up just one more time than you fall down.”  The fictional character of Steve Rogers says: “I can do this all day!” after he gets up from a blow.

While it is easy to say this, practically turning things around in your own life for the better is easier said than done. You naturally tend to focus on what is not working, than on what you can do to make things work. You give more power to the problem and it will sooner or later overpower you with its weight.

That is why a shift in mindset, followed by specific action is essential. Today, let’s look at specific strategies to make this shift and how to make it stick.

SHIFT TO A GROWTH MINDSET

Human potential is unlimited. We are only bound by our thinking. And our thinking is based on the stories we tell ourselves. These stories have the potential to limit us, or to unlock the potential in us, which even we don’t know yet.

Carol Dweck, a professor at Stanford University, has said the exact same thing in her acclaimed book “Mindset”. In it, Dweck highlights that there are two types of mindsets. She calls them the “Fixed Mindset” and the “Growth Mindset”.  

• Fixed Mindset: People who have a fixed mindset have a core belief that their intelligence and abilities are limited at birth. They think ‘you are either gifted, or you are not’. Unfortunately, with this belief ingrained in their minds, they tend to avoid challenges. This results in them giving up after a certain level of difficulty, which limits their growth. Similarly, every setback is frowned upon, and lives are spent in mediocrity.
• Growth Mindset: On the other hand, people with a growth mindset believe that talent and intelligence aren’t gifts, but one needs to work for them. With this mindset, they know that with the right strategy and enough effort, they can get better at anything. Thus, any setback is only considered as a learning exercise.

Recently, I got to know the inspiring story of Jacky Hunt-Broersma. At age 26, her left leg had to be amputated. Initially she went in denial and hid her amputation (by wearing trousers to hide her prosthetic leg). It took her years to accept her amputation. That was when she took to running (aided with a running blade). With running, her confidence came back. She gradually built up her stamina; and the miles started piling up. Several 5K runs later, she ran her first 10K and finally a half marathon in the year 2016.

She realized that the limit was only in her mind. Soon she completed the Boston Marathon, and then ran 100 miles on a treadmill (during the Covid-19 lockdown).  Right now, she is attempting to run 100 marathons in 100 days! At the time of writing this blog, she has finished 68 marathons in 68 consecutive days. If you notice, it was only after breaking her earlier ‘fixed’ mindset that she could start running and achieve so much. You can follow her journey on her Instagram page here.

OBSTACLES MAKE ME STRONGER

OM is a great Mantra. If you chant it, you should chant another mantra OMMS – short for Obstacles Make Me Stronger – as well.

Dr. Babasaheb Ambedkar had to endure innumerable challenges as he grew up. He and his siblings were segregated as ‘untouchables’ in school; and got little attention from teachers. With rampant discrimination even for basic amenities such as getting clean drinking water, Ambedkar’s situation was dire. Had he succumbed to his fate and accepted life as it was, he would never have become THE Babasaheb Ambedkar as we know him today.

Every success story has the same pattern. People who are able to gather the courage to deal with and overcome the obstacles in their path (despite overwhelming odds) will turn out stronger on the other side.  The obstacle in the way is a test if you have the power in you to overcome it. It is a test to know what you are willing to sacrifice.

Just like you cannot bench press 100 kilos on day one of going to a gym, you cannot expect to become a person who can tackle all obstacles that life throws at you with just this knowledge. And just like you would do reps of a weight that is comfortable to you, and then work upwards from there till you reach 100 kgs for a bench press, you similarly need to work on all the little obstacles that come your way, and gradually build up from there.

• Stuck in a traffic jam? Good – it gives you the little obstacle to work on your anger.
• Missed a credit card due date and now need to pay a small fine (which you hate to do)? Good – it now gives you a little obstacle to work on your planning process.

As you change your mindset to look at every obstacle as an opportunity to learn and an opportunity to grow, you will become better with each passing day. That will be the Strength Training needed for your mind, which will help you get prepared to face the bigger challenges when they stand in your way.

In fact, you should be grateful if you are getting challenges in your path. It is only with the stress and with overcoming the challenges that a person can grow, improve, and eventually sculpt himself/ herself into who they are ultimately supposed to be – i.e. the best version of themselves. Just as diamonds require pressure to form, people need obstacles to grow. It is the only way.

A wind blows out the candle, but it can fuel the fire. You should be the fire. Any obstacle thrown in your path should fuel you.

FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN DO

Every philosopher, old or new has told that it is impossible to control others. Conversely, we always have the power to control what “we” can do ourselves. How we ‘react to’ or rather, how we ‘respond to’ an event makes all the difference. Viktor Frankl has said “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Similarly, in the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey talks about learning the art of taking control of everything we can do (i.e. Circle of Control/ Circle of Influence), and not thinking about things that are not in our control (i.e. Circle of Concern). If you focus on what you can do, maybe you will get a handle on the things you need to do in order to overcome the problem that you currently have. But if you think about and worry too much about the problem you have, it is not going to take you anywhere! You will be stuck.

There will be instances when people will judge you. There will always be the naysayers. For Jacky Hunt-Broersma, even the thought of an amputee running made people tell her not to do it. She says, “Everyone was telling me perhaps I shouldn’t do it, but because I’m stubborn I thought, ‘Why can’t I do it? Let’s try it and see what happens.’”

FINAL THOUGHTS

Whatever situation you are in. Howsoever difficult. There is still hope. But you need to change your mindset, follow the OMMS mantra and also focus only on what you can control.

Even if 99% of the things in your life are going against you. You still have the power to turn your life around. But first you must stop giving power to the 99% things that are not going in your favour. Your entire attention should be on the 1% which is in your control. And you need to be ALL IN.

Gradually, bit by bit and day by day, the odds will gradually start piling up in your favour. With incremental improvements, it is just a matter of time before you start seeing the positive ripples percolating in every area of your life. Sure, it may take a few years. Possibly even a decade. But I can assure you that for someone not following you in those years, the transformation can appear to be nothing short of a miracle. You will be called an overnight success. Only you know that it just took a decade!

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^{Cover Photo by Benjamin Davies on Unsplash}