Zindagi Ka Doosra Naam Problem Hai!

Reading time: 6-7 minutes

If you are an Indian, then it is very likely that you have already pictured Sunny Deol as the fiery Sikh in your mind’s eye, portraying Major Kuldip Singh Chandpuri’s character, from the acclaimed J.P. Dutta film “Border”.

For the uninitiated, ‘Border’ is an adaptation of real-life events that happened during the Battle of Longewala during the Indo-Pak war in 1971. In that battle, India not only successfully defended its position (with a force of about 120 soldiers), but also decisively decimated its adversary (which was well over 2000).

So why did I single out this dialogue for its wisdom? For that we must go back to the context of the plot. War is already raging in the then East Pakistan, and there is an imminent threat to India on its Western Front. Major Chandpuri’s 23rd Battalion of the Punjab Regiment is tasked to defend the Longewala post.

In this backdrop, a fictional story is woven into the narrative in which Naib Subedar Mathura Das (portrayed by Sudesh Berry) seeks leave of absence to attend to his ailing wife, and his leave is sanctioned on humanitarian grounds. Upon hearing this, Mathura Das gets extremely elated & he unknowingly celebrates this by announcing it to all his brothers-in-arms, not realizing that it will adversely impact their morale.

Major Chandpuri notices this & cannot take it anymore. He thus severely reprimands Mathura Das in everyone’s presence. While doing so, he says “जिंदगी का दूसरा नाम प्रॉब्लेम हैं |” (literally – “Life means Problems!”).

I recently saw the movie and it got me thinking. This universal quote is so true and full of wisdom. No living person can claim that he or she is free of all problems in life. Even the ultra rich are not immune.

In fact, the philosopher saint from the 17th century Maharashtra, Samartha Ramdas, aptly identified this truth in his short literary work titled “मनाचे श्लोक ” (Teaching to the mind), where he said ” जनीं सर्वसूखी असा कोण आहे। विचारें मना तुंचि शोधुनि पाहे॥ मना त्वांचि रे पूर्वसंचीत केले। तयासारिखे भोगणें प्राप्त जाले ॥११॥” English: “Is there anyone who’s fully content or happy in life? Introspect, and you will know that there is none. We all have to suffer the fruits of our past Karma”

Similarly, the goal of Buddhism is to endure “suffering” caused by the desire and ignorance of reality – and ultimately overcome the birth and death cycle by reaching the state of Nirvana! Basically the philosophy states that nothing is permanent in this world, and all joy can best be described as “fleeting”.

The American Declaration of Independence states that every American has the unalienable right for “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness”. Notice that the words “pursuit of happiness” are mentioned and not the words “attaining happiness”. Perhaps even the founding fathers of America understood the inherent limitations from this futile exercise.

Now what does this ultimately even mean?  If dealing with one obstacle is going to lead a few more in its place, then do we just keep doing this till we die?

Imagine a person withering all the proverbial storms to get promoted as CEO, only to realize the new set of challenges that he now needs to tackle on attending the first Board Meeting as a CEO.

The Stoic author Ryan Holiday in his bestseller book “Obstacle is the Way” has dealt with this subject beautifully. In it, Holiday notes that every person will have to face problems, or ‘obstacles’ and it is through overcoming such obstacles that one eventually grows; and become stronger.

For what? To face more obstacles!

And we all know this intuitively. A person will never grow if he stays in his comfort zone. Sometimes there are difficulties and challenges: but nevertheless, growth lies in overcoming such difficulties. Even gold needs to be heated to make ornaments. Perhaps that’s why they say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”

To sum up, I think there are the following things we all can do to deal with our problems/ face our fears:

• Acknowledge. This is probably the first step towards clearing the haze. Usually, we are in denial of the issue that we need to deal with. There is no point shoving your problems under the carpet. We should not be sticking our head inside the sand, like the now extinct bird “dodo” did! Clearly that strategy does not help. However, acknowledging that a problem exists, we will be forced to find a solution to it.

• Don’t fall into the victim trap. In life, there will always be situations where we are tempted to think why a misfortune befell upon us. “Why me!?” we ask. But this is nothing more than running away from the root cause. While it is perfectly alright to feel bad about a situation we are in, whining about our misfortune is going to lead us nowhere. Someone wisely said that “People swallow their joy but ruminate upon their worries”. Do just the opposite.

• Keep your emotions away. You will agree that two people will look at the same event and will draw different conclusions. This is because each person brings along his own baggage, which may muddle their views about an event. Each person is right, but the other is also not wrong. Remember, a situation just exists. It is our emotions that can make it good or bad. One way to deal with a situation is to try and keep our emotions aside and think of the situation objectively. Once the haze of emotional baggage is cleared, we will be able to find a way to deal with the situation. I am not saying it is easy, but it sure is helpful. For example, instead of lamenting about a boss’s reprimand, looking at the situation objectively may help us to find our own areas of improvement.

• Acceptance. We must admit that there are certain things that we can solve (are in our control), and there are certain things that we cannot. Death of a loved one is one such thing. No matter what we do, we cannot get back our loved one. In such situations, all we can do is grieve. But eventually, we have to accept our situation, and get ready to face life and whatever challenges it has to offer. The sooner we accept this reality, the quicker we can bounce back. I really like this quote of Samartha Ramdas from Manache shlok, which states: “देहेदुःख ते सूख मानीत जावे ।” (i.e., Let physical suffering not bother you). Eventually, he’s trying to convince us the value of acceptance and gratitude, which are the ultimate tools towards attaining contentment and happiness.

• Focus on what you can do. Steven Covey in his bestseller 7 Habits of Highly Effective People states that there is a “Circle of Concern” and then a “Circle of Influence”. Most people spend their time in the circle of concern, which does not help them in any way. Conversely, if one spends time in his/ her circle of ‘influence’, then at least he/she can move the needle forward. Remember the story of Carter from a previous blog? Be like him. Ultimately, action is the key. That is all that matters, and that is all there is. If the situation still does not improve, then you need to try harder, or you should regroup and reassess. Maybe you’re doing something wrong.

• Seek joy & express gratitude. Humans are internally wired to focus on all the things that are going wrong in their lives, rather than appreciating all the things that are going good. This trait may have helped our caveman ancestor to deal with the immediate problems of food and the danger from wild animals. However, in the current times, this way of thinking is not helpful. To make matters worse, the years of evolution has still not upgraded this internal wiring of ours. Consequently, we naturally focus on our problems and in doing so, we miss out on all the good things that happen in our lives. Think about the last time you were just happy to be alive? or you were just happy to breathe in fresh morning air? One way to hack into this internal wiring is to consciously identify at least three things that we are grateful for each day. Experts call this as having a “Gratitude Journal”. Consistently practicing this will help us to spot the things to be joyful about (even in pain and in times of stress). It is these things that can help fuel us in times of stress.

• Move your body. Even a moderate amount of exercise three to four times a week has been proven to improve a person’s mood. Consider your sweat as the elimination of all the negative emotion that you have have built up within yourself. That feeling will surely uplift you and the accompanying dose of endorphins will trigger a feeling of positivity and help to reduce stress. In fact, exercise has even helped people to think more clearly (I can vouch for this, since it is during a run or during a workout that I get an idea for a new blog post!)

• Service over Self. A lot of times you may feel that you are stuck in a place from where there is no way out. Perhaps it’s a case of childhood trauma, or some event in the past which you cannot let go of. Experts call this an ‘Emotional Hangover’. Despite having access to all the strategies mentioned above, you may still feel helpless. In such a case, try to focus your attention on others at least some time every week. You can actively volunteer your time every week at an orphanage, or at an elderly care center, or at a place of worship, or just help a child with homework. Ultimately, shifting focus from yourself out into the world will help bring in fresh perspectives to your life. Remember, if you have an able body, your own home, a car, a steady job or a financial position where you don’t have to worry about your next meal, you may just be financially better than a third of the world’s population.

Concluding Thoughts

Ultimately, each of us has problems in life. It is how we respond to such problems that makes all the difference. Doing the same things that we’re doing now and expecting a different outcome is delusional. But being realistic and reframing our perspective can help. All the best.

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